If you know me, you’re already rolling your eyes just after reading the headline of this blog. But I’m serious, no one likes eating outside. We’ve been conditioned to think we’re supposed to, but I promise, we don’t.
It’s possible I talk about this social abnormality more than most. I can’t help it, when I feel this passionately about something I decide it’s my civil duty to spread the word.
What is ‘the word’ you might be wondering?
The word is that society is LYING. When the hostess asks, “inside or patio?” and you fake excitement as you reply seductively “ooh, patio” as if it’s going to be suchhhh a lovely time, YOU’RE LYING. When you spend your afternoon having a picnic near the Charles River and afterwards you’re telling friends how nice it was, YOU’RE LYING. When you’re sweating bullets and you’re chasing your napkin accross the patio and you’re swatting at fruit flies and the table is covered in sap from a nearby tree and you’re sticking to the never-comfy outdoor chairs and your hair is blowing in your face and you have that overall uncontrollable feeling of irritability all while you’re uttering pre-programmed courtesy statements on queue like, “it’s such a perfect day for this” and “we should do this more often”… YOU. ARE. LYING.
Eating outside is utterly miserable. So I’m giving society permission to stop faking it. Seriously, go ahead and say it out loud, “I HATE EATING OUTSIDE!”. Don’t you feel better?
So please, from here on out, do yourselves and the company you keep a favor…
ask for a booth.